


Love in Any Guise

by freddiejoey



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-30
Updated: 2011-08-30
Packaged: 2017-10-23 06:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freddiejoey/pseuds/freddiejoey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yorath is more observant than anyone suspects....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love in Any Guise

Part One

Spring burgeons suddenly in Arthur’s village. One day it seems that the frost still sparkles on the lake and the next that the fields around have transformed into carpets of bluebells and daffodils that roll down to the dilatory river. The woods shine golden with their blaze of furze and clouds of olive-brown chiffchaffs flit jauntily through the efflorescent trees and shrubs.

It is on the most glorious day of spring yet that the messenger from Yorath the Jute arrives, riding in on one of the strapping horses for which the Jutes are famed. Arthur, Kai and Llud are sitting at the table in the main room, eating a midday meal of chicken and fruit in a desultory fashion. It is very warm and none of them are in a hurry to go outside and gather in the village boys for their afternoon weapons drill. The messenger bows courteously toward Arthur, presenting him with a scroll. Arthur scans its contents quickly and then passes it to his handsome blonde lieutenant. “It seems you are needed more urgently elsewhere big brother – although, of course, you are so essential to our purposes here.” The blue intensity of the look he shoots Kai belies the humour in his voice.

Kai reads through the scroll aloud for Llud’s benefit. “Yorath sends his greetings and asks for my aid. His men, while conversant with the sword and the spear, lack proficiency with the axe. He asks that I go to his province for a few weeks and help remedy this.” Llud smiles. Approbation of his sons is always welcome. ‘Take a handful of our youngsters with you and kill two birds with one stone –instruct Yorath’s men and bring ours back equally dexterous.” Kai raises a questioning eyebrow toward his brother. “Arthur?” “It would certainly be a friendly gesture toward the Jutes and help strengthen our alliance with Yorath if you were willing to go” Arthur speaks in a quiet voice so that the messenger need not hear. Kai nods. “Then of course I will go - much as I will miss the enticements of spring here at home.” His answer is so soft that not even Llud’s keen ears can decipher it - even if his keen eyes see the devilish grin which accompanies it.

The arrangements are quickly put in place. Llud goes around the village, selecting the six young men to accompany Kai northwards. The messenger is given servings of bread, boar and mead in preparation for a mid-afternoon departure. Arthur sits on Kai’s bed, watching his brother wad his belongings into his saddle bags. Already, there is a hollow feeling of desolation in the pit of his stomach. “You don’t really mind going do you?” Kai looks up and smiles wistfully. “No, of course not. I only mind because it means leaving you in the middle of spring weather so replete that it cannot help but intimidate you into doing…………..what we did last night.” Arthur grins wickedly. “If only Yorath knew what I was sacrificing so his men can become competent with the axe.....’ and then he can say no more as Kai crosses the space between them and kisses him emphatically on the mouth.

Arthur and Llud stand at the front of the longhouse to farewell Kai and his party. Llud clasps his son’s hand affectionately. “Have a fruitful journey and come home safely to us.” Kai returns the pressure on his father’s hand and nods. Enthralled at the prospect of a protracted gallop, Kai’s horse turns in an excited circle. Under cover of quietening the animal, Arthur comes to stand at his brother’s stirrup. “Be careful as you travel away from here my Kai,” he murmurs, “Remember that you carry a precious cargo.” Kai looks surprised. “But of course Arthur. I’ll take particular care of our six youngsters. ” Arthur grips the horse’s bridle so that Kai has to lean down out of the saddle to hear his muted reply. “Of that I have no doubt. No Kai, you mistook my meaning - you must be careful, because as you travel away from me, you carry my heart.”

They are at least six leagues from the village before Kai can trust himself to speak without the anxiety of suppressed tears muzzling his voice. After that, it is a pleasant journey through the spring countryside and late on the following afternoon, they clatter into Yorath’s village. Yorath, large and congenial, is there to greet them with a refreshing mead cup. Rowena, vivacious in her boyish riding breeches, comes rushing out, seeking news of Arthur. It is a noisy hospitable welcome and Kai is soon engulfed in a general feeling of well being and warmth.

In fact – apart from missing Arthur being a constant ache at the base of his throat - the next few weeks are busy and lively. Kai is a master of the axe and finds it gratifying to pass on his skills to such appreciative recipients. Yorath’s men and the youngsters from his home village are all keen pupils. By day Kai tutors strenuously and by night he sleeps like a stone. Yorath is affable company and Kai has always been fond of Rowena – she is a feisty intelligent girl, even if her constant demands for anecdotes about Arthur can sometimes become wearisome. More than one bonny Jutish girl behaves in a flirtatious way toward Kai, but he has neither the physical stamina or the emotional inclination.

On the final night of their stay, Yorath holds a feast in their honour. Fine Greek wine flows freely and succulent roast boar and venison are served. It is nearing midnight when Yorath firmly steers the last of the racuous revellers out of his longhouse, leaving only him and Kai enjoying a celebratory drink in front of the hearth. Kai is bone-tired and anxious to return home. His work here has been deeply rewarding but also enervating. Yorath seats himself with a sigh and raises his goblet to Kai. “To you my young warrior friend. Thank you for coming here and teaching my men your tricks with an axe.” Kai smiles. “It’s been a pleasure. They were so impatient to learn. And remember, you’ve been entertaining the young men of Arthur’s village too.” Yorath thoughtfully returns the smile. ‘Ah yes, young Arthur. A leader who displays sound judgement and diplomacy, as well as passion. A heady mix indeed. My daughter Rowena certainly thinks so. “ He gives Kai an impenetrable stare and takes a sip of his wine. “Kai, I want to tell you a story. I know you are tired and no doubt anxious to seek your bed. But indulge an old man please. I have my reasons” Kai nods and pours himself another drink from the pewter wine flagon resting on the table between them.

“ As you know, when we Jutes first came to this land, we fought many battles before making a series of treaties with your Celts. Some of those battles were against the men belonging to Arthur’s first father. Arthur doesn’t resemble him in looks – Llud tells me that he is the image of his mother – and Arthur’s first father was a great mountain of a man with wild chestnut hair. But in the ferocity of his battle skills and the depth of his perspicacity, he is truly his first father’s son. It was after one especially brutal battle that his first father suggested we ratify our agreement by another means beyond putting our marks to a scroll. One of his petty chieftains had recently died leaving a young daughter who was in need of protection. Arthur’s first father offered her to me as a wife.”

Yorath chuckles softly to himself as his memories wash over him. Kai is silent, unsure where this roaming tale is leading but intrigued nonetheless. “You see”, Yorath continues, “I was not always the portly barrel of lard that I am now.” Kai makes a deprecating gesture, but Yorath waves it away. “I know what I am and be dammed about it. Yet back then I was not too bad looking – never handsome like you and fully twenty years older than the girl who was on her way to be my bride, but strong and a formidable warrior. Indeed, I had never thought to marry – too busy making and keeping a homeland for my people. But my people were more settled by then and what Arthur’s first father proposed seemed logical as well as pleasing.”

“I fell in love with her the first time I laid eyes on her. Her name was Catrin - a tiny willowy thing with the widest brown eyes and Rowena’s feathery hair. I don’t know what she thought of me at first - but she had been well schooled in obedience and she knew what her duty was. I was simply overwhelmed that this delicate thing was to be mine.”

Kai shifts in his chair and Yorath pats his knee sympathetically. “Don’t worry my friend. I am getting to the crux of my saga. Of course, Catrin came with a good number of attendants and one of them was a comely young man who attended to her at table and looked after her horses. I saw at once how it was between them – the longing glances, the hankering, the hand-holding that went on just a heart beat too long. However the wedding went ahead and as I’ve said, Catrin was a good obedient girl who knew her duty. Before two seasons had passed she was with child.

“But the young man remained and so did Catrin’s feelings for him. He loved her just as fervently in return- of that I’m certain. It was not lust or infatuation. They were simply two sides of the same coin. It was as plain as that. So the time came when Catrin was due to bear her child and Arthur’s first father sent word for the young man to return to his war band. The Saxons were threatening and all the able-bodied men and boys were required. On the afternoon before he was due to leave, I saw Catrin slip into the woods behind this longhouse. She was so near her time that I was worried and so followed her. She met her young man – I saw the way they embraced and needed to see no more. Later in the dusk she returned wearing a necklace of dried rowan berries. I had showered her with jewels and baubles – but none were ever as precious to her as that simple necklace he fashioned for her. The next day he rode away and she never saw him again. He died a few weeks later at the Battle of Ilchester along with Arthur’s first father and many others. And the day after we got word, Catrin gave birth to our daughter. She named her Rowena.”

Yorath smiles sadly. “ I knew the connection to the rowan berries of course – but I adored Catrin and anyway, Rowena was such a blessing. I had never thought to have a child and then here she was - my lovely lively girl whom I still revere – even if sometimes I call her chicken brain and she throws the contents of the tableware chest at me.” Kai grins in complicity. “So, we had two more happy summers. Catrin delighted in our daughter and the young man’s name was never mentioned- even though her sorrow must have been almost insurmountable at times. But, a brave as well as a sensible girl, my Catrin. Then she was with child again and this time ….a little boy, stillborn and Catrin died with him. I thought my life was worthless too for a time. Yet I had Rowena to bring up and my people to lead. Together they were my salvation.”

Yorath is silent for a moment and then recollects himself. He looks kindly at Kai. “So, why have I made you sit up before the fire and listen to me meander like Hereward? To convince you that, though I be an old man now, that once I witnessed real love, that I know its stamp and its mannerisms.” Kai smiles courteously. “So it is that I know about you and Arthur.”

Part Two

Kai is not sure he has heard right. “Arthur and I” he repeats uncertainly. “Yes, I bear love for Arthur. He is as my brother as well as my chieftain. But anything else……….” Kai laughs nervously. “Forgive me Yorath, but you are mistaken.” Yorath shakes his head gently. “Forgive me Kai, but I am not. I have seen the way you regard each other when you think no-one else notices. I have seen the way a smile lights up your face when he strides into a room – a smile that would light up the world with its warmth. I have seen and I know what I know. I am not blind.” He waits quietly. Kai feels as if he has been felled by a mighty blow from his own axe. The room tilts. “Is this really why you summoned me here – to tell me this?” he manages to stammer. Yorath looks concerned. “Oh, I see that I have gone about this in completely the wrong way. I have alarmed you and so I beg your pardon. No Kai, I did indeed need you here to hand on your skills to my men. But I also needed you here to explain my perspective of this situation to you – certainly not to censure or condemn, simply explain and propose.”

“Propose what?” The words are wrenched from Kai in a strangulated voice. He sits hunched in his chair, his arms wrapped around himself, trying hard to believe that this nightmare is not real. Yorath knows. Someone else besides Llud, someone from outside their longhouse, knows. He feels nauseated, grief-stricken and terribly alone. Arthur seems not a leisurely day’s ride away but a thousand leagues, in another time, another land, another sphere.

Then he feels Yorath’s hand on his shoulder, resolute and fatherly. “Kai, Kai, you are not hearing me. I will tell no-one about what you and Arthur share. It is in no-one’s interests – certainly not mine. Your brother is my stoutest ally and I need him much more as an advocate than he needs me. My recent fumbling attempts to make a treaty with Cerdig have at least reinforced that fact.” Yorath puts a firm finger under Kai’s chin and forces up his drooping head, so that their eyes meet. “Why do you think that I told you the story of my Catrin? To impress upon you Kai that I recognise the essence of love in whatever guise it wears. To remind you that we do not choose who or how we love – it chooses us” He pours Kai another generous goblet of wine and forces it into one clenched fist. “Here drink this to steady yourself my young friend and then down to business before these candles burn down completely. You must have at least a few hours sleep before you set off for home tomorrow.”

Kai gulps down the wine and puts the goblet loudly down on the table. His hands have stopped trembling so much and he is calmer. Yorath looks at him with kindly eyes. ‘So what is this business you propose?” Kai’s voice is still hoarse. Yorath clears his throat. “Rowena loves your Arthur and I love my daughter – in spite of her acrimonious temper. Arthur too does not seem completely indifferent to her –after all he has already rescued her from two ill-starred marriages. It makes practical sense that one day they might marry – and we both know that Arthur is nothing if not practical. Joining the Celts and the Jutes in a formal union would only strengthen the balance of our defences. And if they were to have a son – so much the better. But Kai, Arthur could be given a bevy of wives and it will not change his feelings for you or yours for him.” Yorath is very matter of fact. “So what I propose is that you and I make a bargain. Perhaps that is not the right term, but it is the best one I can conjure up. If Arthur and Rowena are ever to marry, we will both do our best to see that the marriage succeeds at least on some level. It does not mean that either of us will have to forsake anything that is precious to us – after all Rowena will still have to spend long periods of time here. She is the future leader of the Jutes and I am an old man.” Kai feels overwhelmed, but tries to make some sort of fitting response. “What you say makes sense. Such an alliance formalized through marriage would bring great stability to both our peoples. Alright, we have a bargain. “ He finishes the last of his wine, glad that his voice and hands are once more steady. He wonders if the world will ever be steady again.

Yorath smiles, pleased. “Good. I think that we have both gained something significant tonight.” Kai hesitates for a moment and then plunges on in a rush. “Do I tell Arthur of anything that has passed between us here ?” Yorath shrugs. “That is up to you my friend. If you think it will serve a useful purpose, tell him when the time is right. Otherwise, this is simply a matter between two comrades enjoying some excellent vintage before a warm fire.” He looks thoughtful and removes a large ring from one of his fingers. Carefully, he closes Kai’s hand around it. “Here, take this as the seal of our pledge.” It lies heavily in Kai’s palm, both a threat and a promise. “And now, young Kai to bed for you. There are dark circles of exhaustion under your eyes.” Kai gets to his feet in a leaden fashion and wishes Yorath a good night. He is not sure if his wayward legs will support him to his bed in the next room, but somehow he arrives there safely and then plunges into fractious sleep.

Kai remembers little of the journey home from Yorath’s village. He recalls that the next morning Yorath and his daughter stood at the door of their longhouse to wish him and his party well. Bright-eyed Rowena noticed nothing amiss in his demeanour, so outwardly at least he must have appeared civil and commonplace enough. She had darted in and out of the longhouse like a restless pied wagtail, loading a plethora of silly little gifts into his saddlebags for Arthur. Yorath had come to stand at Kai’s stirrup and speak reassuringly. “Do not worry my young friend. All is well.” Deliberately, Yorath had taken Kai’s hand and placed it over something blood red and smooth that hung around his neck. With a sharp start of surprise, Kai realised that it was Catrin’s rowan berry necklace from so long ago – the necklace that had bequeathed its name to the glowing girl tucking a last trinket in beside his studded tunic.

By the time his party rides in the palisade gate, Kai is exhausted in both mind and body. His thoughts are jumbled and chaotic. He longs to see Arthur and yet somehow dreads it in the same measure. One moment he is certain that he will never need to divulge a word of his fireside conservation with Yorath to his brother. In the next breath he is equally certain that he will blurt out every syllable the moment that Arthur’s keen blue eyes meet his.

As Kai dismounts, depleted, in front of the longhouse, Llud emerges, his smile of affection threatening to split his face. “Welcome back. We’ve missed you sorely. What news of Yorath and the winsome Rowena?” His jubilation dies abruptly into concern. Kai sways as his feet find the ground and he leans heavily on Llud’s shoulder. “You’ve obviously been overdoing it, imparting your axe skills to the Jutes. Come inside quickly now and sit for a moment.”

Once in the familiar surroundings of the longhouse, Kai feels steadier. He looks around for the one face that he now craves to see. “Where’s Arthur?” Llud hands him a fresh cup of mead. “Out hunting. He should not be too far away though and his delight at your safe return will doubtless even surpass my own.” Llud’s voice is dry. His wily eyes dance with mischief. Then he becomes the industrious father again. “However what you need more than anything by the look of you Kai is a good sound sleep. I’m going to prepare one of Leni’s draughts for you and you are going to drink it without protest.” Kai makes a gesture of dissent but Llud pats his shoulder firmly. “I leave in a few hours to ride north to Corin’s village and help him negotiate a treaty with the Angles. So I will be absent at least as long as you have been. Do this for me so that I can ride away with an untroubled mind.” Kai smiles wearily. “I can never deny you anything Llud.” In truth, the idea of a day or two of deep dreamless sleep is extremely tempting. He allows Llud to help him into their bedroom, remove his boots, straighten the fleeces on his bed. It is as his father is turned away, carefully spooning Leni’s remedy into a goblet of milk, that he takes Yorath’s ring from its hiding place in his shirt cavity and secrets it, with relief, at the bottom of his clothes chest.

Kai is teetering pleasantly on the edge of consciousness when the bedroom door thuds open and a familiar tall lithe figure in blue comes hurtling in. “My Kai” Arthur sits down on the side of his brother’s bed and then bends to cover Kai’s mouth savagely with his own. The kiss is rough, hard, heart-stirring - a bruising reclamation of an established conquest. Kai’s innards turn to sap. Arthur grins at him and pushes a few tangled strands of blonde hair from Kai’s dozy brown eyes. “Still like golden thistledown.” Tenderly he runs his fingers along Kai’s lips and then less gently down his chin. Kai shivers. “Trust Llud to spoil my impressive homecoming gift.” He sighs. “But no matter, it can wait until you are feeling more lively. How hard did Yorath work you? I shall have to have some stern words with that Jutish slave driver” Kai chuckles as sleep begins to claim him. “Oh the axe work was fine. It was Yorath keeping me up to all hours with long tales of his wife and the rowan berries that has worn me out.” Arthur laughs too. “ Yes, the story of Catrin and her beloved young man. He told me all the details one night after a long day chasing Cerdig’s scouts through the woods.” Arthur rises, one hand still cupping Kai’s cheek. His eyes dance mischievously. “So, my Kai, just how saddle sore are you? Because Llud is away northwards for at least two weeks, maybe three. Oh, if only longhouse walls could speak………….” The last thing Kai sees as sleep irrevocably envelopes him is the intense blue of his brother’s impish eyes, the last thing he feels are his brother’s lips, soft as silk in his sun-browned face.

He comes awake with a start. Something has alarmed him. Kai looks around bleary-eyed. From the guttering candles, it is late at night. He must have been asleep for over a day. Llud’s bed is empty - but, of course, Llud is travelling to Corin’s village. Kai turns his head and sees Arthur sitting on the end of his own bed, his dark head bowed. A dark head that is still damp and glistening - so he has obviously bathed. And he is wearing Kai’s blue shirt, still unlaced, - the shirt Kai has always said should belong to Arthur anyway because it makes his blue eyes even more wondrously blue. Clearly, he has been rummaging in Kai’s clothes chest – and then Kai blinks and realises what Arthur is staring at so intently in his lap. It is Yorath’s ring.

Arthur looks up, gazes at his newly-wakened brother and gives him a mystified smile. ”Kai, why has Yorath given you this ring? What exactly does it signify” In less than the space of a heartbeat, a thousand conflicting thoughts rush through Kai’s drowsy mind. He could attempt to make up some innocuous story, say that Yorath gave it to him in gratitude for the axe prowess he had passed on to the Jutish men – yet why then would it be so painstakingly hidden and anyway, his and Arthur’s bond has always been instinctive and intuitive – even as young children. Kai does try – he opens his mouth to fabricate some safe inoffensive explanation, but Arthur’s scrutiny has darkened to flint and the truth simply comes tumbling out. “Yorath has guessed what we are to each other, how we are with each other, and he gave it to me as a pledge that, if one day you were to marry Rowena, that I………” The rest of his words are drowned out in Arthur’s thunderous shout of rage and disbelief. “Yorath knows?”

Kai jumps off his bed as if stung, suddenly alert. “No Arthur, listen to me, everything is well. Yorath isn’t condemnatory. He understands. He just wanted to ensure his daughter’s contentment if you were to take her for a wife. Nothing more than Llud would do in the same circumstances.” His voice is pleading, conciliatory. Arthur’s is like a whip lash. “Could you not have denied it, disavowed it - are you that stupid Kai?” Kai speaks patiently, striving to calm his brother. “Arthur, he already knew. No denials from me would have changed his opinion. He’s far more preceptive than any of us have given him credit for. But it’s all alright really. Believe me.” He attempts to put a consoling hand on Arthur’s arm, but furiously Arthur throws it off. “Alright? Everything is alright?” Arthur spits out the words through clenched teeth. “I have to go to the negotiating table with Yorath, fight battles beside him, perhaps endeavour to court his daughter – and all the time he will know………” “Know what?” Kai flings back ferociously, his patience exhausted, “That I love you, worship you, would give my life for you a thousand times over. Oh yes, something terrible there to be ashamed of, to be put furtively out of sight and mind.” Arthur makes a vicious gesture at his brother. “Shut up you demented bastard or the door sentry will hear you.” Kai just bellows more loudly. “Damm the door sentry and damm you too. I have done nothing wrong. I am not ashamed of how I am or what I feel for you. You have made me the happiest man within the four corners of the earth. I could never be ashamed of that.” He is suddenly overtaken by great heaving sobs that sound like rending cloth. “Why do you constantly fight love Arthur? Why?” Arthur looks at his brother with glacial coldness. “Clearly we have been far too self-indulgent with one another. I am the leader of the Celts. You are my lieutenant. That is what the world sees and that is what will be preserved from here on in this longhouse as well.” His eyes are blue ice. Kai pushes past him enraged, blinded completely by anguished tears. “Arthur” Yes?” The word is like a scorching brand. “Go to hell”

Part Three

It is the same as already being dead and yet even being denied the comfort of the funeral pyre’s warming flame.With Llud gone, they eat together in silence when alone and avoid each other when the longhouse is full. At night, Arthur bars himself in the bedroom and Kai sleeps bereft in front of the hearth. No-one in the village seems to notice anything unusual, at first – although Kai feels Leni’s sympathetic gaze resting on him searchingly once or twice. The village is in the midst of a bustling spring – there are animals to tend, crops to sow, love-making to relish. Inside the longhouse, it is a life without succour, without mercy, without light.

After a week, Kai can endure it no longer and seeks to assuage his aching body and profound grief by lying with one of Olwen’s pretty young cousins. She is a willing spirited girl, happy to be singled out by her chieftain’s brother – but when Kai comes, the hot tears overwhelm him and she spends the night with his head cradled in her lap while he sobs. The next day Arthur goes on a hunting expedition and arrives home at dusk with the buxom daughter of a local shepherd slung across his saddle, alongside the boar. They remain locked in the longhouse bedroom for most of the next day and she is dispatched home with a firm slap on her rump. It is then that the villagers begin to feel the first cold wafting of unease through the spring sunshine - for Mark of Cornwall, even for Kai on occasion, this could be regarded as accustomed behaviour. For their proud practical young chieftain it is utterly foreign - and frightening.

It is a relief when a message comes from Rolf requesting help against a band of marauding Scots who are pillaging on the edges of Celtic territory. Wordlessly, Kai gets together a war band and takes his leave of Arthur who is remaining to protect their village. “My chieftain.” Kai nods formally. “May your gods be your shield” Arthur responds, equally formally, and inclines his head – that silky black head that has so often lain across Kai’s knees in blissful satiation. He is the leader of the Celts – sending men to war to die is part of the position’s burden of responsibility – that and concealing your irreparably shattered heart from the ruthless gaze of the world. Unaware of his brother’s inner desolation, Kai pushes through the longhouse door, his vision blurred by salt.

It is an even greater relief to wield his axe like a deranged maniac, to feel it slice savagely though blood and bone. Kai almost hopes to die – but he doesn’t. He terrifies even his own men with the brutality of his battle lust and yet takes just a small gash to his left arm, easily cauterized, easily dismissed. When the Scots have been soundly routed, he returns with Rolf – sometimes the Plunderer, more often these days the Penitent – to his settlement. Kai spends three more days there, being feted by Rolf, discussing his future. Then, knowing that Llud will have returned by the time he reaches home, he turns his horse’s weary head westwards towards his brother’s village…………..

Arthur jumps in fright when Llud comes striding furiously into the longhouse, his silver hand held in rigid consternation at his side. “Arthur, you are as my son and I love you, but by your one God, you had better go and speak to Kai and make right whatever has been made wrong. I don’t know what happened when I was up north with Corin - in fact, I don’t want to know. But when I return to wild tales of you running riot with shepherd’s daughters, I do know that everything has somehow been turned on its head. And now your brother has arrived home fresh from fighting your wars, received nothing more than a ritual word of thanks from you, and announced his latest harebrained notion as if it makes perfect logic.” Llud glowers. Arthur creases his brow. “What notion?” “Your brother has just proclaimed to all and sundry that next week he intends to marry Rolf’s daughter Alanna . “ Llud storms out fuming.

“You cannot marry Alanna . She is the spitting image of her father.” They are the first words Arthur has spoken directly to Kai for weeks and they are ludicrous. Kai is sitting on his bed, cleaning his axe. He does not look up from his methodical polishing and when he speaks his voice is frigid. “I can marry whom I please. You have made it abundantly clear that you have no use for me in your life. So, do not dare dictate to me – Celtic chieftain or not. Besides, I thought you would approve. Alanna’s dowry will be a large tract of land to the south of here. And, isn’t this just what it’s all about - forging alliances, maintaining the balance of our defences, keeping up a practical front for the rest of the world to admire.” Kai is implacable, wintry and magnificent. Arthur opens his mouth to say something – exactly what he will never know- but Kai throws his pristine axe down on the bed and stalks out. The wicker door slams with finality behind him.

Preparations for the marriage continue. Kai sleeps in their bedroom again with Llud present as an intermediary. Arthur spends the bulk of his days outside in the bright spring sunshine instructing the boys of the village in sword craft. Llud glares and scowls ever more vehemently as the wedding eve approaches – especially when Arthur informs him that he will not be travelling to Rolf’s village for the marriage feast. “I cannot leave the village undefended Llud.” “Bollocks.” Llud is almost incandescent with rage. “There are plenty of sturdy men left here to take care of the village and the Scots are no threat now. You are his brother. It is a profound offence not to go. You’re acting like a pretentious fool Arthur and let me tell you, pretentious fools often end their days lonely.” Arthur gazes at him with wide, seemingly indifferent, blue eyes. “Kai has finally told me what he and Yorath discussed and no-one is at fault.” Llud continues, “Yorath was acting as a concerned father, and Kai, as usual, showed you unwavering loyalty.” Arthur’s voice is clipped and low. “I negotiate with Yorath as a fellow chieftain Llud. He is a powerful ally and he knows…” Llud interrupts infuriated. “Knows what Arthur? That a man of Kai’s worth, loves you? My God , if Yorath knew nothing else about you but that alone, it would be enough to command his respect. Is he truly to believe that Kai has been a consummate fool to pledge his life to yours?” Llud puts his good hand to his head in impotent fury. “Well, regardless of your obstinacy, I am going to the wedding. I at least will be there to support my son – no matter how absurd or shortsighted his intentions. And if I learn to like Rolf’s village just a bit more while I’m there, I might not come back. Rolf at least is not an intractable stick in the mud.” Llud struts away – leaving Arthur in dumbfounded silence.

On the afternoon before they are due to set out for Rolf’s village, two dusty messengers ride up to the longhouse from opposite directions. The first is from Rolf and asks to speak to Kai in private. The second has been despatched from Yorath the Jute and seeks an audience alone with Arthur. Their news delivered, both are taken off to be fed and supplied with mead. Arthur remains seated at the meal table after Yorath’s messenger departs, thoughtfully rubbing something small and round between his fingers. Llud and Kai are closeted in the bedroom, whispering together in furtive tones. Eventually Llud emerges- and for the first time in days, Arthur sees that his father’s lips are twitching into a reluctant smile. “You’d better go in there. Your brother has had some unfortunate news.” Arthur firmly shakes his head. “You’ve given him your counsel Llud. He won’t be seeking mine.” His dark hair has tumbled down into his eyes so that his expression is unreadable. With a resounding thud, Llud brings his silver hand down on the table. “ This stops now. You once said that you did not scorn fear – well for all our sakes, stop scorning your heart – and more importantly Kai’s.” Llud’s voice becomes dangerously low. “ Listen to me Arthur and listen well. It’s been many years since I’ve put you over my knee and given you a leathering, but by Christ, I will do it right now, if you don’t take yourself off across this room and through that door this minute.” Arthur is sufficiently startled to obey. Before he really knows what has happened, he is on the other side of the bedroom door. Left alone, Llud finally smiles in triumph.

Kai is sitting on his bed, his eyes averted. Arthur approaches him warily, his heart darting in his chest like a frantic hummingbird moth. “Llud said you have had some bad news.” Kai sighs dramatically. ‘Yes, it appears that Alanna has run away to the Abbot with your cousin Gawain. Apparently Garet tried to abduct her enroute to the monastery. Anyway, it seems she has been plotting her elopement with Gawain for some time behind her father’s back. Rolf has sent his penitent apologies. Actually, he’s mortified.” “From doing strange things of the flesh in that extraordinary garment devised by our father? The quick rejoinder is out before Arthur can suppress it. This is the longest conversation that he and Kai have had for days and for just an instance, he feels the old mellow yearning spring up between them. Kai looks up uncertainly at his brother and then quickly away. His voice is husky and ambivalent. “ Arthur, I cannot just pretend that the last weeks were a dream. I rode away to Yorath’s with your heart in my possession and came home to callousness. You punished me for sins which weren’t my own – or indeed Yorath’s. You sent me off to battle with no particular word of kindness or of welcome when I returned. What else do you expect me to say now?” Arthur’s answer is very quiet.” Nothing Kai, absolutely nothing. I just ask you to be still and to listen.”

“ I know that I am so often a scourge to anyone close to me and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for being proud and unfeeling – for putting the opinion of the world before my love for you. I’m sorry for blighting your heart with the cold words I spoke. I’m sorry for sending you off to battle without the imprint of my mouth on yours. And I’m sorry that you thought to bind yourself to frightful Alanna as a means of escape. God Kai, I may be a colossal fool but my love for you isn’t just one colossal thing – it’s a thousand little things that only you can offer and are willing to give.”

There is silence. Slowly Kai raises his head and realises that Arthur can’t speak because he is weeping too hard –soundless convulsive squalls of tears that cleave Kai’s heart. He hesitates for half a heartbeat – dare he risk………oh fuck it….then he is across the room in one great stride and they are bundled in each other’s arms, touching, laughing in relief, kissing softly and savagely, murmuring – “I love you……… and I you more………Oh my Kai forgive me……All forgotten……….I promise, never again………never let my pride….could have lost you…… everything…nothing….without …you…Little brother…..Yes?.....Please shut up…..Oh…..

This time it seems like a miracle – because they had both been so certain that there would never be another. Almost reverently, Kai kneels behind Arthur, tenderly caressing his plaint opening with oil, gently inserting first one, then two fingers. Arthur shudders with joy. Slowly he turns his head toward Kai, wearing the same tender expression he had on that day in the quarry, chained to the rock, when his agonized brother had been unable to soften the whip. Holding his breath, he assents his readiness. Their entwined hands clench………..

Outside the longhouse, the door sentry looks fearfully into the fragrant spring night. That loud exultant animal baying seems much closer than the forest……………….

Later, when Arthur lies with his head cradled at the base of Kai’s throat, Kai remembers the messenger who had arrived that afternoon from Yorath. “So, little brother, what did our wise Jutish friend want?” Arthur smiles sleepily. “Yorath had heard about your impending nuptials with the alarming Alanna and guessed that something dubious was afoot. So he decided to remind me that love in any guise is precious and sent something as a token. It’s over there on your bedside chest.” He settles his body against Kai’s, nestling, marvelling. “So what did you do with Yorath’s ring?” Kai laughs quietly. “Back under my blue shirt. But I may take it out and wear it as a warning if I consider that you’re being an opinionated, wrongfully wrong fool any time soon.” In the darkness, Kai feels a ticklish butterfly kiss whisper softly against the corner of his mouth. “I can see there are still two areas in which you have much to teach me big brother – learning the art of wielding your axe………..and learning the art of love.”

When Arthur is breathing peacefully in sleep, Kai slips out of bed. The moonlight glimmers on his slender nakedness. He sighs happily. According to their myths, the ancients believed that you could perish from a broken heart. Well, his experience has taught him that that isn’t true – although it can undoubtedly make you do other deranged things, like fighting with cataclysmic battle ferocity………..or entering into foolhardy betrothals. Thank God for Garet and Gawain’s unfettered tongues after a few too many mulled cups of adder’s sting at Rolf’s table….. Certainly something extreme had needed to be done in order to jolt the most infuriating, most stubborn, most astounding Celt in the world back to his senses. Kai looks down at his sleeping brother. His passionate practical tenacious Arthur. Not for a heartbeat would he change one thing about him – and not for a heartbeat would he ever tell him so. He is quite obstinate and headstrong enough already. Silently he slips across the room to the chest beside his own bed, curious to see what Yorath has sent as a remembrance of love to Arthur. In the moonlight, glowing on a small square of white silk, lies one perfect blood-red rowan berry.


End file.
